When Life Knocks You Down

I’d heard about the domino effect of unfortunate events and assumed that it applied to films and books where the heroine cries for a day before turning her life around with the help of a sassy best friend and a makeover montage to a snappy soundtrack. However, over the past two weeks, I have experienced such bad luck firsthand and let me tell you, it ain’t like the movies.

Splitting up with my boyfriend after more than five years together has left me feeling equal parts devastated and emotionally numb and so I made the decision to keep busy to distract myself. Working in marketing meant I was constantly busy in working hours and coupled with seeing friends and going to the gym, I was able to convince myself that this void could be filled.

Then, last Monday morning, I was asked for a word in the boardroom and instantly my heart sank. Knowing exactly what I was to face, I attempted to walk through the office with a brave face before being told that my job with the company was no longer required. At that moment, I felt an unbelievable mix of sadness, relief and frustration. I’d spend so long working to be good at my job – some parts fascinating, others challenging – and trying to fix my relationship that when both of them ended within a week of each other, it felt like the hugest failure on my part. And still does in my saddest moments.

I’ve spent the last week flitting between feeling completely awful and excessively hopeful. Hearing all the usual cliches – “everything happens for a reason”, “it’s an opportunity” – and trying to convince myself that they’re true. I’ve made grand, ambitious plans in my head and also spent an entire day in my pyjamas wishing that I could be back in the office.

So, now that a week of moping has passed, I’ve woken up feeling the need to get my act together. Life has wiped me a pretty blank slate, on which I can create a new story. Sometimes life knocks you down but I’m hoping that it will lead me somewhere great even if it takes years to get there. From here, I’ll be documenting my attempts to get back on my feet – some of which will be more successful than others, I have no doubt. There will hopefully be some travel in the very near future, but more on that when I’ve grown some balls and decided to take the plunge and actually book it.

For now though, I just wanted to say thank you. My family and friends have been more amazing than I could have imagined after many tearful phone calls in the last two weeks, Tweets from you lovely lot got me through when things seemed really bad late at night. And messages from my former colleagues and a rather giggly lunch on Friday left me smiling and also realising how much I’m going to miss them. I’ve met some of the funniest and kindest people and was privileged to work with an inspirational and hilarious manager who made my first ‘proper’ job a fantastic experience. So thank you a million times over – I’ve realised that I really do have the best support system ever.