The Phenomenon of Not Enjoying University.

Today I’m going to speak about something that has pretty much changed me completely in the last couple of years. Not enjoying university. This is quite personal to me and while I don’t mind speaking about it, I am aware that there are always going to be people that just can’t understand the impact of what’s happened.

not enjoying universityLooking back, I didn’t quite consider how much of a leap leaving school was: 2010 was probably the happiest year of my life up until September. Then, although I was going to uni locally in Liverpool, I took the attitude of ‘obviously I’m not living at home during uni, partaaaayyyy’ and moved my little self over into halls. My room was lovely, in fact the flat was really nice for student halls. The problems started when freshers actually got going, and I realised I was completely and utterly not fitting into student life.

I still had my old job (I can’t survive on student loan alone!) and so was coming back over to the flat late some nights. On nights when I’d come back at 1am, all I would want to do was sleep, but music would be blaring and a flat filled with smoke would await me. They were nice people, don’t get me wrong (and at least their music taste was good) but I spent many a night in my room alone wondering why I wasn’t the same as everybody else.

Watching friends uploading hundreds of photos and chatting about all their new best friends (‘OMG, we just click you know, we have so much in common, she’s amazing’) and wondering why I wasn’t as excited as everybody else about…well, anything. To make it twice as bad, the fact that I do a Combined course at uni meant everybody in each subject was already grouped off and despite my shyness, I really put myself out there trying to speak to people. Each time, I was rebuffed and never saw them again.

depression quoteTo cut the ramble, it culminated in me feeling down all the time. I literally couldn’t pick myself up – even the course wasn’t, and still isn’t, what I expected – and eventually, the worst of it came when I sat in my room, with one of my best friends at the time, and just cried without knowing why (he felt awkward to say the least). I made the decision to move back home. It was so hard, mainly because I didn’t want to seem like a failure in comparison to all my friends that were loving it, but also not to burden my family. A lot of people will say this is bad, that I should have stuck it out but for me, this was the right decision. Even when I moved home, my depression continued for a good few months and the amount of times I went into my mums bedroom, lay on the bed and just cried were numerous and distressing. I tried not to tell anybody unless I had to, or said it was for money reasons.

I’ve had my sister say to me over and over about how I’m a failure and I can’t cope with ‘normal’ things. But fortunately, most people have been supportive, even if they can’t understand. People say things like ‘oh I’ve just been really lucky’ or ‘you should have moved into the actual uni halls’ but in hindsight, I think that maybe I was expecting too much and I never would have enjoyed it, and the person who I am now is confident enough to admit that. I just want other people to understand why I feel that way too.

I’ve learned to cope, and although I don’t enjoy uni loads still, I have people in my lectures that I can speak to and get on with. Some amazing friends outside of uni, people I work with and people that understand what I’m going through have helped me so much through this. Having one of my closest friends come home really helped me to accept that it’s okay not to have the typical student experience. Similarly, when I met another friend a few months ago, it was great to show her that it’s okay not to settle in straight away and it helped me to come to terms with it myself.

I take things week by week and always make plans (I used to like being alone and chilling: a side effect has meant that if I don’t have plans for a day, I feel down and scared all over again). Enjoy the things that you have – I am lucky enough to not do long-distance with my boyfriend, which some other people find really hard. Sometimes I do wish that I’d had the same incredible experiences as others but there’s always a silver lining and while third year is going so fast that I’m scared to go into adult life, I’m hoping my time after uni will be a much happier stage of my life.

It’s okay to feel like this.
A lot of people go through it and hide behind social networking because they don’t want to feel like  they’ve failed as well.
Do what’s right for you and it will never be the wrong decision.

Laura x

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  • Reply
    Lauren Burke
    November 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I love youuuuuuu <3

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    big love to you <3 I went to uni when I had depression and it was very hard, it just made it worse, I sometimes regret it but then in one way I don't because I have made the bestest of friends who when they found out, helped me and understood, it's shaped who I am today and made me a stronger person. I hope you feel the same too someday xx

  • Reply
    Wendy E
    November 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    University was really difficult for me too – I dropped out after a semester and restarted somewhere else a couple of years later, so I got through it.
    Law school, on the other hand, was the best time of my life (except for exams and student loans haha).
    So things will definitely improve. I saw university as a hurdle I had to get over to get to the rest of my life.

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    I feel exactly the same, although I never moved into halls I feel that I'm not having the same student life as everybody else I see. People sit in lectures talking about the nights outs and parties and student life and even in my final year I'm yet to experience any of that. My course constantly changes and moves around so finding people to befriend is so hard, one month they'll be in your class and the next they've been moved around yet again. I'm only too starting to make plans and keep busy and am wishing that life after uni will be so much more active and enjoyable than the 'student life' I endure now. This was a fantastic and helpful post x

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    It is hard but I know ur strong and u will get over it
    love ur post xxx

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Laura, I am always very proud of you. Xx Anna

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Thank you for this. I started uni this year thinking I would FINALLY make friends, but of course everyone had grouped off within the first few days and, surprise surprise, I wasn't in any of them. Plus I don't talk to my new housemates because I don't go out because I don't drink, which seems to be the only way to bond with people my age these days. I've also recently split up with my (now ex) boyfriend after five years, who was my only friend, really. I am sticking it out as this is the only way to get the career I want in the future. Well, it's not guarenteed, but a degree's better than nothing, I think.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    Uni is such a different experience for everyone. I feel like I've only made a couple of close friends – now, in my 3rd year I can't see many of my friendships really carrying on after uni – it's the same with a lot of my ones at home. I prefer to just have a couple of closer friends rather than a big group! I'm definitely not a typical student – I don't really enjoy going out these days and I'm a pain in the ass neighbour telling next door to turn their music down constantly haha! So many people I knew from college struggling like you but threw the towel in, so good on you for carrying on!

    Robyn Mayday

  • Reply
    November 25, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    You're brave to blog about this! I've attended two universities in my life so far, and I had very different experiences at each of them! I know from experience that it's really hard to go through a rough time at uni and be far from friends and family who can offer support. Hope things get better for you my dear!

    xx Ellie 

  • Reply
    G A B Y
    November 25, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    Hey hun, I don't think I have experienced the "typical" uni experience either, although I can't say it was the same as yours either. I wasn't out partying with uni friends every weekends – I barely had two or three "friends" – and I wasn't living on campus and because of that, I kind of felt like I was missing out a bit, but I had that attitude because of which I kept telling myself "I don't need uni friends that I won't see again, once uni is over, I have real friend!" Silly, yes, but you know, it did not make me sad, just feeling… weird, and kind of left out. I'm done with uni now and this feeling passed, and now, I don't have any regrets. I have always told myself I was there to get my degree, I got it, and that's it!

    Glad to know you're feeling better now x

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    November 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    And I you! <3

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    November 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Ahh I wish you weren't anonymous! I know exactly how you feel, I always feel so out of it, if you ever want to get in touch and chat just tweet me or something! x

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    November 26, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Hah it's been hard, but in a way I was too lazy to go through it all again and just wanted it over with! Glad to hear I'm not the only one that's not a fan of going out 🙂 occasionally is fine, but I could never do it all the time! x

  • Reply
    November 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    It's a shame you feel like this, but I'm glad things are getting better now. Uni just is not for some people. I think it definitely has it ups and downs. xo

  • Reply
    November 26, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Aww hope you feel more positive soon darling!

    New follower here!
    The Misty Mom

  • Reply
    November 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I relate to this experience so much. Mine was slightly different because I was depressed before I started uni and I intentionally moved away to go to uni to get away from some of the causal factors, namely my family and "friends". The first week or so was fine as the (7!) other girls I was sharing with were in nice breaking-the-ice mode but then it was all drink, sex, bitch. I just didn't feel like I related to them at all, we'd all go out together and I would feel like going home, locking myself in my room and sobbing.

    I ditched my long-term boyfriend who lived back home for similar reasons to why I ditched my family. This all started back in 2001 and it has taken me this long to accept that it's OK not to have my family in my life. I do wish that I had more close friends and that I didn't feel so awkward in my own skin but I don't feel that level of devastation on a daily basis any more. I now live with a supportive boyfriend in a stable home, have graduated and am actually re-training into a completely different field.

    Life is so lonely when you can't see a place for yourself in it.

  • Reply
    Dot (Claire)
    December 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    This is so refreshing to read and to let me know I'm not alone. I've battled on and off with depression since 2005 and have been through uni with it too which was an absolutely awful awful time. It broke me as a person but I'm amazed, and proud, that I came out the other side and graduated. Makes me feel quite teary just thinking about it, it was quite a fight.

    I was going to reply more with my experience here as you've really inspired me to share, but I kept typing and typing and typing and realised I'd written nearly a whole blog post worth anyway so I think that's what I'll do. Thank you for inspiring me, I'll let you know when I post it. xx

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    December 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    I'm finding it more bearable now I've accepted it's not going to be a fantastic time for me, and am just focusing on the last six months (scary). Really glad you enjoyed this post, I'll be looking out for yours and I'd love to read it! You definitely aren't alone, there's so many people out there that have got in touch about how they feel the same – wish I'd known it at the time! x

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    December 7, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    It's definitely one of the loneliest times of life, I think for more people than anybody realises! I'm really happy you've got through it now though, it just shows that it will always get better! x

    • Reply
      June 19, 2018 at 7:59 pm

      i have the same feeling. it seems like uni is just taking too long to end and the process is just not enjoyable as the majority of poeple say. Manily, im not enojying it at all and count the days as it is just a terrible few years. Im constantly under stress and developed the habit of just staying at home the majority of the time and chillin in bed. not living the ‘best time of my life’ at all, it was all a scam. Sad thing is i cant find a way to change how im feeling, it just impossible to feel otherwise. xoxo

  • Reply
    December 30, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    I can empathise so much with this. I'm in my second year and living in a house which I love, but due to illness I've been very anxious and have hardly gone into Uni this term. I do enjoy it but because I've not been in for so long I feel like I no longer have friends on the course and everyone is in groups etc, so I know I'm going to find it hard when I go back to try and get back into lessons and stuff. But from reading this post I know I can do it, even if it takes times I will :). I know being at Uni is the best thing for me, I don't want to be stuck at home not doing anything with no friends around me as they're all at Uni, as I know I'll get worse, but it might take longer than most people or if I'm not a 'typical' student, I hardly go out to clubs anymore (which I enjoyed a lot last year) as I find it difficult just doing day-to-day stuff I don't have the energy but I know I will get there eventually and I don't mind if I'm not the typical student aslong as I do my best, enjoy what I'm doing and just take everyday as it comes :). I think it's just such a big jump moving to Uni and being independent, so people deal with it so well and I wish I could, I just find it difficult for some reason and I need to except that.
    I've not mentioned stuff like this on my blog as I didn't know how people would respond, but your post has make me open up, hope you don't mind this ridiculously long comment hahah.

  • Reply
    Melissa Reynolds-Lawrence
    January 20, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    Hey Laura. Amazing post. It takes a lot to admit something like that because people get so caught up in the hype of 'student life'. It's in fact a total myth. Everyone's experience is different. Mine was great and I lived at home. I didn't go out and party all that much but I loved it. I wrote a letter to the Fresher version of myself and it really put things in perspective. It's on my blog. I'll send the link if you want it. I also know what it's like to feel anxious. It gets better – I just had to stop comparing myself and I quite enjoy my own company sometimes xxx

  • Reply
    Victorias Vintage
    January 29, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    I lived in halls for my first year of uni and had the typical Freshers Week everyone talks about so I thought things were great! But then, the friends I had made started dropping out of uni because they hated it or moving courses etc and by January I only had a couple of friends and I rarely went out. Then in second year I moved in with my boyfriend who i met at uni. This was okay, but as I wasn't living with other students I never saw anyone or went out. I felt so lonely but was happy to have my boyfriend. Then in third year, my boyfriend moved back to his hometown and I couldn't live at my uni town alone. I knew no one by this point. So I moved back home for my third year. Im still with my boyfriend, but don't have a single friend from uni. Thank God its over!! xxx

  • Reply
    January 30, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    I'm currently in my first year of uni and I'm really struggling, I wish I had the option to live at home like you did. But let me just say how this has given me a bit of hope, that hopefully I'll be able to pull through all that's going on. Thanks

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    January 31, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Aww I'm really sorry to hear you've had a hard time! You should definitely get back there, once you get into the swing of things again it will be okay – I always find when I miss a few lectures I lose all motivation!
    It seems like people deal with it well, and I thought the same, but since writing this so many people have said they felt the same that maybe we're all just really pretending to have a good time! Don't be afraid to talk about it – everybody has positive and negative in their life, as long as you get through it!

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    January 31, 2013 at 10:31 am

    It's definitely better once you realise that it's not all it's hyped up to be and take it that way 🙂 x

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    January 31, 2013 at 10:32 am

    I'm stuck in a state of I can't wait for uni to be over but also ARGH scared to do real life! Really happy you had your boyfriend there for you, it does make all the difference when you feel lonely sometimes! I know some nice girls in uni that I sometimes sit with in lectures & stuff but probably will never see them again afterwards! xx

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    January 31, 2013 at 10:33 am

    I really hope you're doing okay! First year is definitely the hardest, but once you get into a routine it usually settles down. If you want to chat, you can always tweet me or something ! x

  • Reply
    March 13, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    Uni is hard, I absolutely loved it, but everyone I know, includin myself had their ups and downs. Stress,heartbreak and homesickness! It is an intense experience and I was personally lucky that the people I was surrounded by were my kind of people.

    I'm glad you wrote this post because I know it will help a lot of people! xxx

  • Reply
    Zoe clulow
    April 12, 2013 at 9:13 am

    I am in my first year and currently finding uni life really hard, i have attended counselling and they have suggested things like changing my course or moving to a university closer to home but there isn't anything else i would want to do and i feel moving uni's would be just hassle with having to try and make friends with people who are already in their groups. I am missing home a lot and my course is nothing like i expected it to be, i have come out of some of my lessons crying for no reason. I am finding it hard doing my work and i am seeking a lot of help from the university. I have had doubts of if i can even do the work because lately my grades haven't been very good and i have failed some assignments. I just wish i was more happy at uni. I already cant wait till i finish. Friends and family have said uni is not for everyone and maybe i should quit i don't want to quit because this is what i want to do but i just want to feel better and more confident about myself. When i think about uni i feel anxious and scared and i don't know why.


  • Reply
    Ms. H
    April 17, 2013 at 12:10 am

    I'm currently almost at the end of my second year and I am SO glad that somebody else had similar feelings. I didn't start university until I was 20 and had worked full-time for 2 years beforehand. When I left my full-time job as a teaching assistant, all my colleagues told me what an amazing life experience uni would be. Thus far, it's been shit.

    Moving into halls really wasn't a good choice for me but I wanted to be along with other students so I did it anyway. Having lived alone from 16 until university, this was the worst thing ever. Maybe some of it's down to me, but I find it really difficult to live with other people in a place that's overpriced and can hardly be described as homely. I'll be going back to living alone next year and I absolutely can't wait.

    The social aspect hasn't been at all what I would expect. Because I now have to work weekends in retail to support myself, it's hard to meet up with the friends I have from my 'previous life' but I haven't made ANY friends at university. I'm also on a joint honours course and I don't think many people appreciate how difficult it can be to insert yourself into cliques. Most of the friends I do have are the one's I've made in my part-time job.

    Going from a full-time wage to student finances has probably been one of the most challenging and depressing things I've ever done. I ended up having to take on a second job and now work 6 days a week which is killing me in conjunction with a degree. Even the teaching on my course leaves so much to be desired. This year, I've been lucky enough to have one lecturer who's an absolute godsend and is literally the reason I'm still at this uni. He's very understanding and was quite honest with me about his own uni experiences. He's not from the typically well-off background of the people who studied when he did and he understands the concept of juggling paid work with study.

    My degree literally feels like a means to an end. I'm still here because I know that I want to go into teaching and I need this degree. However, it hasn't been enjoyable in the least. It's been the most draining, isolating, stressful experience of my life. I don't like my living situation, I have to work all the hours God sends to make ends meet and I've lost my social life. I gave up so much to be here and every day, I question whether or not it's worth it.

    I've genuinely felt like some sort of failure for feeling this way about what most people look back on as an amazing time. Awkwardly, I basically broke down on one of my managers when I was doing a late shift. It was just the two of us on the floor and we've always got on well. He was generally teasing me about being a 'lazy student' and asking if I was always hungover. And I dunno, I just let rip about how it's been the worst experience of my life. He was very understanding about it and did say some very encouraging things. Next year, I'm living alone and one of my modules is a placement module so hopefully, I'll be able to feel a bit more optimistic and link my learning to my goals more easily but honestly, I can't wait to graduate. I don't even want to attend my graduation – I just want my damn certificate.

  • Reply
    Laura's Haven
    April 18, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Thanks very much – I'm glad you had a great experience with it 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Laura's Haven
    April 18, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I hope you feel better after we had a bit of a chat the other day! <3 x

  • Reply
    Laura's Haven
    April 18, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    It must have been really hard from experiencing pretty much 'adult' life, to going to living with people away from home for the first time and going crazy! My degree feels much the same and I don't even really want a career in what I'm doing :/ at least it will get you where you want to be in life, so it will all be worth it! Sure you'll feel more comfortable next year when you're back with your own space etc 🙂 x

  • Reply
    Love A.
    July 23, 2013 at 12:01 am

    hey that was a wonderful post 🙂 uni was not quite what I've expected as well, it's good but in a strange way. and everyone is super friendly, yet it is quite difficult to make CLOSE friends; half of the people are natives – they live at home, have all of their old friends in the same place; the other half live at halls (I am in a private flat with my bf). and when you grow up you have sooo many expectations : your new friend must be smart, funny, supportive, helpful, genuinely like-able…and you have to be the same – a superman. yeah be yourself and all, but hmm to stand out in the crowd you must put some effort in being the best version of yourself. they say that the best years of your life are in uni; but for me the best are in high school and at uni is so full of contrasts: best and worst things happen all together. One of the most important things to consider I guess is that we have more or less between 1 and 3 lectures per day which is nothing. and as u've said doing a joint degree means in each lecture you have very different people.
    anyway I am sure that was the best decision for you and you should feel only good about it – living in halls is not said to be 100% a good experience. haha 99% of the ppl I know Hated it – the rest bonded really well. but sometimes making the sacrifice to be drunk half the time and high the other half, just to b part of the group is a bit too much.
    :)) best wishes

  • Reply
    Victorias Vintage
    August 4, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    I commented back in January so just wanted to say CONGRATS on finally graduating! I hope you look forward to the next part of your life haha I'm working a pretty shitty standard job and not loving life, and paying back my student loan at £5 a month!! My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months after my previous comment, and I am really lucky to have made new friends at work and through blogging who I now consider best friends 🙂 I don't feel so lonely now, so I hope you're happier now too xxx

  • Reply
    Sarah Davis
    September 23, 2013 at 11:56 am

    I loved this post- it really struck a chord with me. I never lived in uni halls, and as such didn't have that same uni experience as it seemed everyone around me was talking about. I'm quite a shy person anyway, and this left me feeling quite down about having a lack of friends and fun, and I skipped quite a lot of lectures and seminars. Towards the end of my first year, I found a couple of friends, and I eventually graduated happy. Its nice to hear different people's experiences, as I think that not enjoying university is something that people will not admit to very easily, as it is constantly referred to as a time to have all the fun and best experiences of your life. Frankly, I much prefer my life now.

  • Reply
    Raging Scarlet
    September 29, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Im so worried about uni! im putting together my aplication for next year and the more i think about it the more im having my doubts 🙁 i feel really settled at my sixth form college which i moved to because i just didnt fit in at my highschool. im close to my family and my mum in particular, im having a hard time realising that in a year i may be leaving all this behind! is this how you felt before you went? everyones so focused on a levels, including me, that it feels like were putting the worries to the back of our minds and theres no one to talk to. Im the first person in my family to apply and i really want to get my degree- im just scared that im going to be miserable. id love to take a gap year but i just wouldnt be able to afford to go travelling, so i just want to get my degree done with, i know thats a terrible attitude to have before ive even started!

  • Reply
    October 13, 2013 at 5:03 am

    Hi, just started uni in September and am kind of in a similar situation. I was really excited to come to uni and meet new people but I was put in a flat with loads of international and postgraduate students so they didn't really go out much. I made the effort to go out during freshers and met some really cool people from the other blocks. I had a great time tbh! but now that freshers is over its like the friends I thought I made have grouped off and mostly hang out with their flatmates. Its really putting me down as I spend most of my free time either asleep or just in my room.On top of this I'm doing the long distance thing with my boyfriend who goes to uni up north and am finding it really hard. We try to ring each other/ skype everyday but he really likes his flatmates so often leaves me to hang out with them. I kind of understand as if I had flatmates I really got on with I would be the same but I miss him a lot. at the same time I don't want him to feel like he should have to stop having fun just because I'm not enjoying myself. People have told me to go to the different floors and meet the rest of the people in my block but I'm quite a shy person around people at first so I'd have no idea how to approach them or what to say!

    Most of my of my tutor group are older students so they commute or live in different halls and the overall 'experience' is making me want to drop out which is quite pathetic but I'm really not enjoying myself (not even the course) and I'm really homesick. Not sure what I should do as I really don't wanna disappoint anyone

  • Reply
    Meri Victoria Sinervo
    October 29, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    I understand your feelings of depression and loss. I'm in uni right now and its the total opposite. I relish the fact that no one is pressuring me or forcing me to make friends. I chat and get a long with my classmates but a teacher is not every minute breathing down my neck, accusing me of being alone. I enjoy my own company and I get panic attacks when lots of people crowd around me. The only negative I have is that the course itself is not really flowing, there is a lot of work but I felt a lot more keen and interested at A level. I'm sure it'll get better.

  • Reply
    Floraidh Clement
    December 7, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    Thank you – seriously, thank you so much. I felt so alone. I'm still a Fresher so I guess I still have time – but it already feels like everybody's grouped off, my flatmates keep theirselves to theirselves. I spin tales to my parents but in truth, I'm lonely as hell, but I'm really trying. Still to pay off.

  • Reply
    Madison Banks
    January 16, 2014 at 5:36 am

    Thank you for writing this – I'm having similar issues at uni and it's great to know I'm not the only one who feels like this. Stumbled upon this post by chance, and I'm glad I did; I feel much less alone now. And the comments as well, making me feel less alone.

  • Reply
    February 5, 2014 at 9:35 am

    Really great post, thank you! I too have been struggling with depression for quite a few years now and although a majority of people were supportive of me at home, I was expecting to come to university and almost 'automatically' improve. This did not occur. I have been at uni since September and I don't enjoy it, don't feel close to anyone, don't enjoy my course and am a more-than-inconvenient 6 hours away from home (in good traffic!). I feel very lonely and miss my friends (who are all loving uni) and it's hard. Anyway, I think university is hyped up way too much, almost to a level where it's realistically impossible to match these expectations. Good to know that i'm not the only one who feels like this, as so far I haven't found anyone who does. What to do eh!

  • Reply
    Abster Mac
    July 4, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    This post was like reading about my life… Thank you for writing so honestly and please know you are sooo not alone in feeling this exact way! I went to Uni in Sept '12 and felt the exact same way. Struggled with massive anxiety, tried to get extra shifts at work to get out of halls – I felt depressed, alone, like I wanted to be alone but when I was I just cried and didn't know what the hell to do. Leaving after 1st year was the best decision I made as it just was not for me. The lifestyle is hard, I didn't see the fun-factor in it and felt more mature than many around me. It was awful so I completely understand! Well done for sticking it out xxxxx

  • Reply
    Kate Scott
    December 12, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    This is exactly how I feel, I'm a fresher, just finished my first semester of uni. I was so excited, I've been wanting to go to unit all my life but it has been a disappointment. All my flat mates are nice and I go out with them and stuff but sometimes I feel like would they really care if I wasn't there? And recently the topic of house hunting has come up and no one has really said they want to live with me… luckily I've made friends in a society but most of them are in 2nd year so already have housemates. I'm going to try my best to stick it out and hope it gets better but I am wondering if maybe my current uni just isn't right for me and maybe I'd be happier somewhere else…

  • Reply
    Francesca Rose
    January 11, 2015 at 11:15 am

    I just came across this post while searching 'not enjoying university life' on google. I'm in a similar situation in the sense that I feel I do not fit in and I find myself crying a lot alone in my room. I started uni last year and was so excited about starting a new chapter and moving away from home but it was nothing like I anticipated. I struggled making friends (no idea why. I guess just confidence issues) and I hated my course. In september I started a new university and was certain this would be better. Although the course is better, I'm still feeling similar emotions and don't have people I call proper friends. It doesn't help that it's a tiny university with no societies to meet likeminded people. I'm doubting my choice too but no there's no way I can change when this is my second university. I go home quite a bit (it's nearly three hours away) but then I feel so homesick when back at uni. It annoys me most that my sister hates this and tells me I need to 'grow up'. 🙁


  • Reply
    lizzie parsons
    February 28, 2015 at 11:40 pm

    I am so glad I found this blog post. Im a first year student and its safe to say I haven't enjoyed uni at all so far. I don't get along with my flatmates at all- there are always fights or passive aggressive comments and I only have 2 friends and its not a very close friendship. I feel completely alone and isolated. From early november i realised I wanted to drop out (its almost March now) and I'm still deciding on whether or not to actually move or not. Im a HUGELY indecisive person haha, which is not helping! what do you think? I feel like if i drop out, I'm failing myself and failing on such a simple task. Im always worrying about if i do move, and if i still hate it there. sorry to bother you, but do you have any advice? it is muchly appreciated! x

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    March 1, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    Hi Lizzie, I think the most important thing is to think of your other options. While obviously everyones situation is different – I was REALLY lucky in that I lived close enough to move home so I could complete the course, even though in hindsight, I should have chosen a better course for me. I wouldn't worry about feeling like a failure because, although it's easy to feel that way, you'll know that you gave it your best shot, no matter what you decide.

    If you want to talk in more detail, email or tweet me and I'll try to help! 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Rebecca Fielding
    March 10, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    I'm really glad I came across this post. I've been struggling with uni for a long time and I really needed some support. I'm in my third year and I've not really enjoyed university from the very beginning. The course isn't really for me but I wanted to keep going with it and get my degree. Since I don't really enjoy uni I go home most weekends as it makes me feel a lot better but when I come back I just feel so depressed and upset. My flatmates haven't been particularly nice or supportive of me because I go home all the time which has just been the tipping point. I feel like I can't continue. My boyfriend and family don't understand why I'm so upset as I only have 2 months left but at the moment getting through each day can be a struggle. I just wondered if you had any advice on how to get through the really tough times at uni? I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm worried my emotions will get the better of me and I won't finish my final project. I'd really appreciate any thoughts you have. I really admire you for finishing university despite not enjoying it x

  • Reply
    Laura Gois
    March 15, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Hi Rebecca, I can imagine it must be tough for you at the moment, especially as your flatmates aren't being supportive :/ third year work, especially dissertation / project time, is SO tough and there were times when I thought that I really wouldn't be able to continue either.

    However, when it came to the really hard times, I made plans for when I had finished so that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and that works as a brilliant motivator when things are tough. E.G. I went to Glastonbury the month after I finished and looking forward to that made each day of my dissertation/exams feel more bearable. Planning something like that – even if it's job hunting for a career you're really interested in, or a day trip away somewhere – makes things loads better!

    Plus, you'll be able to look back and realise how much you've managed to achieve, despite your struggle. I felt so proud on graduation day because it wasn't an easy three years and you will too. I hope this finds you well and goes some way towards helping you 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Belle Ruby Longdon
    August 24, 2015 at 2:08 am

    I came across this post just on a google search – even though this post was written years ago your post seems to echo what I felt. In my first year I lived in a flat full of people who I had less in common with than anyone I've ever met. They were extremely loud and sometimes, just plain mean, making snide comments about my appearance and leaving passive aggressive notes. It got to the point where things were going missing in the flat and everything was blamed on, me and I had nothing to do with it. I'd get abusive texts and facebook messages all the time… it goes on. I had enough self confidence for a while for it not to bother me, and I usually just hung out in my room. After a while it became so bad I was desperate to move out, but the University were extremely unhelpful, stating that there simply wasn't any space! I'm now heading back for my second year. Because of all the stress from the bullying I struggled to make friends outside my halls, meaning I never got accepted into a 'group', and didn't get the opportunity for a student house. I'm living back in student accommodation in a flat with other 2nd and 3rd years, and I'm absolutely terrified of going back because part of me is convinced it will happen again. I suppose I'm asking for advice from someone who has gone through something similar!

  • Reply
    Belle Ruby Longdon
    August 24, 2015 at 2:09 am

    I came across this post just on a google search – even though this post was written years ago your post seems to echo what I felt. In my first year I lived in a flat full of people who I had less in common with than anyone I've ever met. They were extremely loud and sometimes, just plain mean, making snide comments about my appearance and leaving passive aggressive notes. It got to the point where things were going missing in the flat and everything was blamed on, me and I had nothing to do with it. I'd get abusive texts and facebook messages all the time… it goes on. I had enough self confidence for a while for it not to bother me, and I usually just hung out in my room. After a while it became so bad I was desperate to move out, but the University were extremely unhelpful, stating that there simply wasn't any space! I'm now heading back for my second year. Because of all the stress from the bullying I struggled to make friends outside my halls, meaning I never got accepted into a 'group', and didn't get the opportunity for a student house. I'm living back in student accommodation in a flat with other 2nd and 3rd years, and I'm absolutely terrified of going back because part of me is convinced it will happen again. I suppose I'm asking for advice from someone who has gone through something similar!

  • Reply
    September 30, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    I'm so glad I found this blog as I'm in a similar situation right now! I started Leeds Beckett University just two weeks ago and I already feel like I'm not going to make any friends as when I look around either people have came to university knowing another person or groups have instantly formed when I wasn't looking. Last week when I started I had high hopes and maybe thats my issue; because I had high hopes, the let down has started making me feel so down and worried I've broken out in acne more than usual! Last week was the intrudctory week and I did meet two girls on the first day, but the next day we were all seperated into our groups and were not even in the same lecture so I'm not going to see them again most likely. At this point I was still hopeful but the next day I was then seperated into my tutor group and left sitting by myself as I was seperated into alphebetical order. Though I did make conversation with the people around me as the tutors insisted on this ice breaker, I didn't 'click' with anyone enough to be able to ask for their number or anything like that. This week has been the official starting week, and so far it's been the same. During the lecture on Monday as I looked around everyone had their own little groups to hang with while I was sitting on the side, though their were a few other people sitting on their own, which (I know is awful) did make me feel better. 🙁 I did manage to start a conversation as I was sitting next to this girl for a few hours but again I didnt even get her name and it didn't progress from there. On tuesday during another lecture, I sat next to this girl by herself, but she seemed painfully shy and really didn't seem to want me to talk to her.
    I even had the idea today to maybe make a Facebook so I can get to know people from my university, even if their not on the same course, I'll take anything I can get. I have Uni tomorrow and hopefully wont give up and let my mood bring me down.

  • Reply
    George Hammersmith
    January 25, 2016 at 11:21 pm

    Hi All, I know this thread is a few years old but I came across it and it sounds as if I’m not the only one struggling with student life. I’d love to chat to anyone feeling like this just to get it off my chest and share opinions. So I’ve created an anonymous Facebook account and a group called ‘Students feeling down’ for anyone who genuinely wants to chat about, well anything really. Please look it up and join if you think it could help you too.

  • Reply
    Nathan White
    February 12, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Thanks for writing this article 🙂 I’m in my first year at the moment and I can relate a lot to this, it’s nice to know other people have been though what I’m going through and have come out strong from it ☺

  • Reply
    Aoife K
    April 15, 2016 at 11:21 pm

    I needed to read this. I am in my final year, and have felt like this the entire four years. I’m shy, but I really tried to put myself out there. I even listened to conversations trying to suss what the hell people talk about, but it’s all over my head, people who study what I study just aren’t my kind of people. Sure, things got better, but now that I am finishing up I am realizing I am leaving college with 2, maybe 3 friends. I hate being in social situations with people in my course because I just get ignored. My self esteem is completely destroyed, and although I am close to getting a degree, I honestly wish I had backed out in first year. Yes, I stuck it out, but my spirit is completely broken. I hope the future holds friendship and happiness for me, but I am so afraid the next chapter of my life will hold the same challenges.

    • Reply
      April 16, 2016 at 11:32 am

      I promise you that it’ll get better. It sounds easy for somebody else to say but while life always has challenges, the fact you’ve got through this will make you so much stronger than you can imagine 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Mystery Girl
    April 22, 2016 at 11:57 am

    Thanks for writing this! I’m in my first year of uni and I live in student halls (I don’t have a choice anyways bcz I live abroad). When I first came to uni I made some friends, but as time goes it’s like they don’t care about me anymore. They still hang out but without me. I am not friends with my flatmates so I never get out of my room unless I have a lecture. Most of the time I just wanna quit uni and go back home. I don’t enjoy it at all. It’s like a nightmare every single day. I don’t enjoy my course anymore. But I can’t tell anyone this. I am afraid. They will be dissapointed (my family and real friends). I just wish I could have some friends here to help me through this. I feel so alone that sometimes it drives me crazy!

    • Reply
      Nick : 3
      April 22, 2016 at 5:51 pm

      I am exactly the same! except i’ve told my family who’ve been very supportive, I’d defo tell my family if i were you or atleast ur parents, they’re great help, i’d also recommend joining a sports club, i currently do kung fu, and altho i can’t say i have proper friends there I can say that I have developed a bit of a passion for it, and that I’m developing myself at uni outside of my course + it cures boredom : 3 hope this helps!

      • Reply
        Mystery Girl
        April 25, 2016 at 2:30 pm

        H! I have 3 weeks left and then I’m going home! Next year I’ll be staying at a different place and have different modules so hopefully I’ll make new friends! I’ll try and join a club so I can get out more! I’ve told to my 2 best friends and they are really supportive and they keep me going! But I just wish I could feel different you know?? Thank you very much! You did help me 🙂

  • Reply
    Anon Girl
    May 9, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    I’m in final year at Liverpool University and I couldn’t relate to this more. Uni is probably the most isolating time of my life and I feel embarrassed to tell people how I really feel about University. All of my best friends seem to have really enjoyed their University experiences and I find it difficult to explain to them what a negative experience it has been for me. More often than not, its easier to lie and pretend I enjoy it.

    I managed to stick these last three years out and I’m proud of myself for achieving that. Would I do university again? Probably not. Or maybe I would if I could commute from home (Liverpool is the other side of the country for me). I have enjoyed my course and the fact that my future career requires me to have a degree is the only thing that has kept me here. Living with people that I have so little in common with has completely crushed my confidence and although I’m working to build it back up, I cannot describe how detrimental it has been on my emotional wellbeing. It’s made me doubt my whole self and I’m afraid the rest of my life will be like this. Uni is meant to build confidence and academically it has, but I have never felt more inadequate in social situations. The mentality that many of my house mates live by is the typical ‘you only live once’ mentality. Some of them genuinely think that this will be the best time of their lives and I feel sorry for them. There is no meaning in getting completely drunk and high all the time. I find it very depressing to think that is how they measure their happiness. I can’t be sure of anything, but what I do know is that I will not let my negative experience at University define me.

    There is a place for us all in this world and just because university isn’t ‘our time’ does not mean that we will not find like minded friends in the future. If you’re struggling with University all I can say is that this is not the end. There is life beyond university.

  • Reply
    G. Shuttleworth
    August 21, 2016 at 10:25 am

    This is a great blog post. I can relate completely. The bad news is I’m in my 40s now and am giving serious consideration to getting therapy for the first time in my life for what happened to me back in University in the early 90s. The same old broken record – being excluded inexplicably (no one ever tells you why they don’t want you), the tears, the hiding away in your room and doing the bare minimum to get through the degree. The problem in my case is this persisted throughout adult life afterwards – people made their friends and found their partners at that stage, and if you’re left out it leaves you very “rudderless” as the years pass by. I now objectify everything in a bid to keep my dignity intact – I have internally taken on these people’s criticisms, thought patterns and discrimination. I hate university; I hate what it did to me.

    • Reply
      Alice Leslie
      January 29, 2017 at 11:18 pm

      I’m sorry to hear that what happened at university is still affecting you. Do get therapy, even just to objectify your thoughts, to hear them aloud and to try and break some of them down with somebody who is external to your life. I often got scared of the idea of therapy, as though it were a negative thing. However, counselling and therapy can help in many ways for many different things. I managed to pull things together by removing certain people in my life who were causing most the problems, and regaining my self awareness and who i was. I hope you manage to do the same thing 🙂

  • Reply
    September 12, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    I relate entirely. I’m moving back to uni in 5 days, going into my second year. I attempted suicide at the end of my first year and questioning why I’m even going back at all.

    • Reply
      September 15, 2016 at 11:23 pm

      Please really reconsider the very idea of going back to uni so soon. Your health and wellbeing is always more important than anything and trust me, it won’t get any easier – ive been there. Let me know if you ever want to chat x

  • Reply
    September 15, 2016 at 11:20 pm

    You are so amazing and brave for making that decision to move back home. I actually find that inspiring. Im on a four year course going into final year in about two weeks, and wished i had made that decision to leave too and start over. Theres so much pressure from so many factors to stay at uni, and i felt exactly like you had. But alas i guess in a way i caved into the pressure and stayed on. I dont feel proud of myself for it, but i hope i can learn from my mistakes in the future. Much love x

  • Reply
    November 25, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    I started uni in September and since then have made no friends and feel really lonely. I chose to live in a studio flat in halls as I knew I couldn’t cope with a shared one but this is making it even harder to meet friends. Luckily my bf came up uni with me but I feel really bad for constantly clinging to him and feel I’m not letting him get on with uni life for doing so. Overall though I do love my corse although I am the only one who doesn’t commute on it and this is really making me depressed and debate weather to move back home to commute in. My boyfriend has started calling his halls home and every time he does I just don’t see how he can I can’t even sleep here and everything is dragging me down. The only thing that’s making me stay are my monthly expensive trips hope for the orthodontist over three days bathe five and my corse because that’s what I want to do but otherwise I can’t survive. Uni is shot for me and I know it’s terrible for others too but I just feel like I’m not a use to anyone as everyone has already made friends. All my friends from home say how they’ve made new ones and are getting a long well also how I is supposed to be the best days of your life but for me I’m just here because I have to be nothing more nothing less I just have to be here.

    • Reply
      December 5, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      I started in September too and don’t live in halls. I often feel the same, I feel like I’ve not made friends like other people have, and I don’t see many friends from home either. I find it hard, so I can imagine how you’re feeling.
      It’s still early. I keep reminding myself there’s still time. It’s only been a few months. Of course, I still feel shitty about not having many friends but it’ll be okay. You are important and you’ll find people you click with, and in the mean time, I’m a friend from a far. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. x

  • Reply
    January 19, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this. I started uni in September and at the start I did enjoy it but half way through the first term, people’s true character started to come through. I soon released that I didn’t really have anyone to rely on or many true friends. You always here about people absolutely loving uni, so it is such a relief to know that not everyone loves it. Thank you for sharing your story! Xxx

  • Reply
    Alice Leslie
    January 29, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    I feel that the person I was and the people around me made university a very difficult stage in my life. It is very refreshing, so very very refreshing and helpful to be reading posts about people who have shared my experiences. I typically fell into a pattern of partying and drinking in my first year at uni, feeling influenced in this ‘crazy’ culture and taken advantage of, due to my caring, kind but naive nature. I realised by second year that my four year relationship with a guy from my home town was almost in tatters, destroyed by a lack of trust on his part towards me, and that I was drinking heavily out of my unhappiness. My parents were baffled as to how to help me – part anger at my self destruction, and that of my relationship, and concern for my well being. I developed severe psoriasis and even resorted to drugs at one point to try and escape. Finally, the summer before third year came. I was penniless, had put on weight from alcohol misuse, was mentally and emotionally unstable and knew something had to change. The finger pointed at one individual who oversaw my whole life at university. So I finally resolved to live alone and completely cut this girl out of my life. It changed everything. My boyfriend was ever so patient with me despite everything and now we are happier than we have ever been. I matured, got my work ethic back, and have not drunk alcohol or touched a cigarette for six months. I joined my college rowing squad and released that I was really good at rowing, a feeling i had not had for years. I quickly progressed to vice captain. I strongly recommend joining a sport or something to focus your mind. It helped me with a routine, with my fitness, my diet and me sleep pattern. I only have one main friend at university now, and he is a local guy. I have a part time job too and this makes up most of my social week – the people here really helped me to ‘harden up’ to people too. University is a bubble of life that is not real. It does not reflect the future world, and it can hinder and destroy your development and your happiness. I am very surprised by the experience I have had, and did not expect this. I have sorted things, but i very much anticipate leaving uni and starting my real life. I hope some of you resolve things the way i feel i have, despite some minor hiccups here and there.

  • Reply
    Rogue student
    February 6, 2017 at 3:16 am

    I am also doing the same. Im moving to a uni closer to my home because my life is just (got to lecture then go to bed … then go to lecture … repeat). I followed a friend here thinking it was a great idea. over time we sadly drifted apart and I never made new friends.

    I began feeling empty and alone. Theres probably a lot of students facing the same problem. I didnt help after i looking at the rank of my university is very low in the uk
    i started bringing myself down “useless, why am i here, do i deserve this”. Thankfully theres alway someone to speak to and i have my best friend to thank for that and i was able to put myself back together.

    I understand that sometimes its not easy. I had broken down infront of my friend through skype so many times and cried so many nights before i could stand up again. I have always tried to do everything myself but sometimes its a helping hand that makes the difference. You just need to speak up and there will be someone there for you.

    I would never have come to a decision to transfer university without talking to someone about it. I always told myself i that can handle doing it.

    • Reply
      October 10, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      I’m currently feeling exactly how you have described, I moved an hour and a half away from home for uni and I’ve yet to make any friends and I’m being made to take two minor subjects for “credits” that I’m not enjoying and I’m worried the workload will become too much.

      I’m only a week and a half in to my course but I spend almost all of my time alone and a lot of it being upset and crying to my friends and boyfriend on the phone so I’m now deciding wether to stick it out and hope it gets better with time or move back home where I’ll be happy and have my family and friends.

      The university I’m at now is one of the best for my degree and the one back Home is quite far down the league tables but I wouldn’t be made to do minor subjects and I feel I’d be happier and work better.

      Can you give me any advice on what things were like when you moved home? Did things get better? We’re you happier? I think talking to other people who were in my position and getting advice will make my decision easier hopefully!

      I hope things did get better for you and that you’re now happy,

      Erin x

  • Reply
    Rebecca lucy
    March 15, 2017 at 10:27 am

    I’m just coming to the end of my 2nd year and while I enjoyed first year, I have hated every minute of second year.

    When I started my first year I made friends really fast and I had a fantastic time but then one of them and I fell out. It was a really petty argument that we should have been able to fix but we didn’t and he has since manipulated everyone else to turn them against me, and then sent me screenshots on facebook of a conversation between him and the rest of my friends saying awful things about me. I tried to fix things before it got this bad but it didn’t happen because although he claimed he wanted to be friends he refused to talk to me and just pretended i didn’t exist and I’ve since realised that he knew I liked him and he didn’t reciprocate those feelings but would initiate making out every time we were alone together which was taking advantage of me and I don’t want people like that in my life.
    I also naively thought that since I came to university with one of my oldest friends (17 years) if I had any problems, I’d still have her to hang out with and potentially live with but she refuses to be seen with me at uni because she doesn’t want to mix her home and uni friends.
    since september, I’ve joined loads of societies and I’m out nearly every night of the week but i still haven’t made any new friends because what’s happened to me since september has knocked my confidence so much that no matter how hard I try, I can’t bring myself to talk to people.
    I also live in a house where nobody leaves their bedrooms, but one housemate still likes to dictate when we’re allowed in certain communal rooms like the kitchen or the bathroom.

    I would love to move home, where I do have really good friends and I have my family, and commute to uni but my uni is 220 miles away from home. I’ve got one year left though, I just need to get through that and then I’m out of hell for good

  • Reply
    Sarah Nicole
    April 14, 2017 at 2:07 pm

    This post completely sums up my uni experience. I’m currently in third year and look back on my 3 years almost as a waste when I compare them to others who have seemingly made friends for life.

    I mistakenly arrived at uni halls in first year with high hopes/expectations as everyone says how uni is the best years of your life. Up until this point I had never really felt lonely/depressed as I have a great group of friends from home who I’m still in contact with, plus my family had helped but being at uni seemed to bring out the worst in me and being alone just made all the problems even worse because I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone. When I first arrived me and my flat attempted to throw ourselves into Freshers events etc but after a week it was quite obvious that none of us had much in common and we were all very similiar in that we all quite liked our own space. Fast forward three years and I’ve never made any lasting friendships which really upsets me. I know I’m quite a quiet person but I would say I’ve made an effort to make friends. The friends that I do have I compare constantly to my friends at home, because I just don’t feel like we are actually very close/click that well. Being at uni is horrible at times because I feel like i’m surrounded by people who just don’t fully understand me, i’m not sure if that sounds stupid?

    I’m so glad i’m not the only one who hasn’t enjoyed this experience, and I’m glad its nearly over

    • Reply
      April 14, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      Hey Sarah, thanks for your comment! It doesn’t sound stupid at all, you and I sound quite similar actually in that once you realise you don’t click with people, it’s quite hard to be in that situation. I’m glad to hear that you made it through and wishing you all the best for what’s to come afterwards 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    August 20, 2017 at 4:26 am

    Hi. I am actually a Hong Kong student coming to the uk to study at uni. I am actually quite nervous as I think I am not gonna fit in, since I look quite small and immature compared to others and I don’t share the interests of clubbing and drinking as many do. Somehow I am quite shy, if I am not in front of the friends that I know well. This worries me a lot and I do plan to join as many freshers events as I can. Maybe somebody would say that it is okay not to make friends at uni if you really can’t find someone you can relate to, but it’s will obviously be a waste of money since my parents have paid so much for me to come all the way to here and I really hope that I can make some international friends :(. I do not want to waste their money 🙁 This really worries me :'(

    • Reply
      August 20, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      Hi! I can imagine how hard it must be to go to university in a foreign country, you’re incredibly brave to come! There are so many international students at UK universities though so I hope you get involved and meet some lovely people xxx

  • Reply
    September 9, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    Hey, I’m leaving University today. I was there for literally two days and I hated it. I missed home, everybody was just focused on partying and the only thing I liked was the city but I missed my family. I can’t wait to get back home, I’m planning on getting a motorbike license and getting a job this year to help me out. Next year I’m going to think about commuting to my local university to do the course I wanted to do here.
    University really isn’t for everyone and it sucks when you can’t find anyone. I know in myself I wouldn’t have liked it any longer and I’m okay to admit that, I know myself and I think it’s important for others to not get swayed by people saying to just stick it out and see… if it hurts you go back home.
    I spent the last two days crying in my room and I realised this morning how much this sucked. I knew if I stayed any longer I wouldn’t be able to keep it up.
    Happy to leave, though my pride is a little bit damaged I have solid reasons and I dodged the bullet with paying my first term of tuition so that’s good. Hope anyone in the same position makes the right choice for them 🙂

  • Reply
    Grace Robinson
    September 17, 2017 at 10:06 pm

    I’m just reading this now in 2017 and I can honestly say it’s helped so much. I feel so out of place and my flat mates are completely lovely although I haven’t been able to muster up the courage to spend a night with them yet and it’s been a whole week. I’ve spent a night with half of them, but the only time i’m okay is when I’ve had some alcohol and I’m tired of that so when i don’t want to drink i end up staying in my bedroom and I feel so alone. i have a great group of friends too, and they always ask to see me, but I just can’t muster up the energy or confidence to step out my door haha. So I’m not really sure what to do yet. I haven’t started my course yet but I’m going to wait until afterwards. But If it doesn’t get any better than what i’m going through now, I’m afraid i shall have to bail and I really don’t want to.

    Reading this post has comforted me so much though, because I know it’s okay to be feeling this way and I’m not actually the only one, which it terribly feels like. Everyone is so proud of me right now for coming to university, I feel like i’d be letting them all down. I’ve moved from a tiny homely village to Manchester. So i’ll now see if It will get any better before I decide.

    Thank you so much for this post, it’s helped billions.

    • Reply
      October 10, 2017 at 12:31 am

      I’m in the exact same boat, reading this now and how much I can relate is crazy! I come from a small city near to Manchester and have moved for university and I’m currently one week in (my university started later than most places) I’m only an hour and a half away from home but I feel lonely most of the time.

      I haven’t clicked with any of my flat mates because they’re all in to different things than me, I do get along with them but we’re not close so throughout freshers I only saw them for drinking and even that was a bit uncomfortable! What makes things worse is my degree and a lot of others are made to do 1 major subject and 2 minors I’m never with the same people and when I do make friends I don’t see them again so I’m struggling to find people I get along with and make friends so I end up spending most of my time alone in my room.

      Realistically I just want to spend a weekend back home to feel normal again, but I’m worried I won’t come back and I haven’t given the university enough time to see what it might be like in a few weeks time. Similarly to you I also don’t want to disappoint anyone and I’m not sure what I would do if I did drop out and go home.

      Now that you’ve started your course how have you found it? Have you made many friends? I hope things are looking up for you! Hopefully they will for me too soon, fingers crossed!

      Reading this article and also seeing your comment and knowing that someone is going through the same thing as me currently makes me feel reassured to know I’m not the only one!

      I hope things got better and if not then I hope you’re okay x

      • Reply
        October 9, 2019 at 12:44 am

        I’ve just stumbled back upon this post 2 years later and thought it could be helpful to share how things worked out for me for just incase anyone else might find this post years down the line looking for some reassurance.

        I can honestly say the first term of uni was one of the hardest experiences I’ve had. I wasn’t getting on with my flat mates, I was struggling to make friends on my course and felt incredibly home sick, and if I’m honest I would ring my boyfriend or my family crying almost every day. I looked into moving to my local uni and even at apprenticeships. Ultimately I decided I’d worked too hard to get into uni to just drop out and do during the Christmas break I emailed the uni and asked to move flat.

        I can’t lie, I was incredibly nervous to be moving into a new flat where everyone already knew each other but figured it couldn’t be any worse. It was THE BEST decision I’ve made! At first I was a bit uncomfortable but after the first week of getting to know everyone I felt so much better and at home. I’d also joined the netball society in first term as a way to make friends outside of the flat and I’m so glad I did! I managed to meet a few girls who were doing some of the same modules as me so I wasn’t always alone, it also allowed me to go out on socials with girls who had similar interests to me which was a bonus.

        I’m now in my final year and my experience has changed so much since that first term. It’s still not perfect don’t get me wrong uni has its ups and downs but I’m glad I stuck it out. For anyone reading this now who is questioning wether uni is right for them, I hope this might give you a bit of hope or a better idea of what to do in your situation. It can get better, my advice would be to move flat if you’re unhappy, JOIN SOCIETIES! It might seem intimidating to join on your own but so many other people do and you’ll make friends in no time! And if you’re not enjoying your subject then try speaking to your head of department to see what your options are, you may even be able to change your course.

        Although with all of that being said if you really aren’t enjoying life at uni then it is more than okay to put yourself first! Uni just isn’t right for some people and if it’s effecting your well-being or if you are truly unhappy there is nothing wrong with walking away. There are plenty of other opportunities out there that don’t involve university that will be a better fit for you. You have plenty of time to figure out exactly what you want to do and what’s best for you so don’t feel the need to rush or to follow “the norm”!

        I really hope that this has helped in some way or another and just know that you’re definitely not alone.

        I hope things get better for you in time xx

        • Reply
          October 14, 2019 at 9:06 pm

          Erin I’m so happy you commented back all this time later! So glad to hear that things worked out for you overall, it sounds like you handled it like an absolute pro xx

  • Reply
    September 25, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    I’ve just found this post in 2017 and it has helped so much – I didn’t know there were so many others that struggle with uni like me. I feel so depressed now going into 3rd year with no friends as the best friend I made in first year has suddenly decided she doesn’t want to know me and I can see she is avoiding me. I think this is because she has found more popular friends. It’s left me feeling not good enough, anxious and scared to go into seminars with no friends as it’s really late into the course now and everyone has friend groups already. I know I should stick it out for another year but if you’ve felt depressed, you know it leaves you feeling that you don’t want to do things, especially 3rd year work load. I feel so not good enough since she dropped me. If anyone has advice, should I keep trying with our friendship or should I muster through this year alone?

  • Reply
    October 5, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Im reading this in 2017.. so a while after it was written but its helped me! I’m only 4 weeks into my first year but seem to be struggling to make solid friends… It’s not for lack of trying, i just feel like everyone in my course has already made little cliques and I somehow missed out during the friendship group forming time… I get homesick regularly as well which doesnt help. I was so excited to go to uni and move into my next stage of life (as cliché as that sounds), but so far it isnt living up to everything I imagined it would.

  • Reply
    February 4, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    As of also reading this in 2017, it has helped me a little reading this. I honestly can relate to an extent as unfortunately, before university I went through a difficult breakup and therefore was not feeling tip top for the first few months of uni which may have triggered my closed mind during my first semester. Right now I’m in second semester and have only 1 friend who I see in lectures which I guess is better than a group of fake friends. First semester was horrible, settling into a new flat full of people I eventually didn’t get along well with( also one person blasting loud music often at 2am just hours before a 9am lecture). When it was the first night of freshers week I was at work, unfortunately that’s when it all kicked off so I didn’t have friends during then and only made that 1 friend a few weeks later. Sometimes I wish I could have friends who live on campus as I’d love someone to just go shopping with yanoo and spend long evenings in the library with whilst with a friend who commutes, they cannot really miss the last bus as much as they’re amazing!

  • Reply
    July 26, 2019 at 12:19 pm

    University was a disaster for me. I did not have an adolescence due to an anxiety disorder so it was my hope to fix things at Uni. I was put in an isolated part of the University and having never been out failed to socialise well. The long and short of it, I did the wrong course, suffered badly from anxiety, made no friends, had a mental breakdown in my final year and was bullied badly. No one came to help, I was treated as a joke, even when I tried to break out of the mould.
    I should have reset things, changed course and gone to a better hall of residence and started again. But I didn’t. My only saving grace was very high levels of perseverance.
    It is something I feel devastated by and I am sorry no-one could see my worth, or very few.

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